About

Unmotivators Inc.

Unmotivators Inc. was founded in 2012 on a single, defensible premise: that the office, as an institution, deserves honest decor. Fourteen years later, that premise has held up.

The company is headquartered in a low-rise office park you have driven past. The leadership team has been largely intact since 2015. We do not intend to grow. We intend to continue.

Leadership

Serving since: 2012

Holden Marsham

Chief Disappointment Officer

Holden founded Unmotivators Inc. in 2012 after the collapse of his motivational-speaking career, which ended during a conference keynote in Sarasota when, three minutes in, he stopped and told the audience the truth. The audience did not clap. He walked off the stage and, eventually, to here. He has not spoken at a conference since. He attends meetings. He signs paperwork. He does not remember why he started the company, but the company continues, and so does he.

"Motivation is a product. We just make an honest one."

Serving since: 2015

Russell Atholton

VP of Unmet Potential

Russell joined Unmotivators Inc. in 2015 as a product manager. He has not been promoted. He has not been demoted. His annual performance review has used the same language since 2018, and he has not asked about it. He manages a team of four, though one of them transferred quietly last November, and the org chart has not been updated. His office has a plant that may or may not be real. He prefers not to check.

"Ambition is a subscription. I canceled mine in 2019."

Serving since: 2017

Dennis Kelwick

Director of Managed Expectations

Dennis is responsible for lowering the expectations of staff, customers, and the board. He runs a quarterly review process in which every number is restated downward, with a footnote. The footnote is always the same footnote. He has a desk. His office has a window. The blinds are usually closed. He attends all-hands meetings. He does not speak during them. He would like this bio to end.

"If you give people less to hope for, they grieve less when it doesn't happen."

Serving since: 2014

Mitchell Pardove

Head of Burnout Operations

Mitchell oversees Unmotivators Inc.'s commitment to sustainable disappointment. He runs an internal program called Preserved Exhaustion, which identifies employees whose weariness is the most authentic and institutionalizes them. He himself was institutionalized in 2017. He has not taken a vacation since. He does not know what he would do with one. He has a pair of shoes by the door. He will wear them again, probably, soon.

"Burnout is a resource. We manage it the way some companies manage water."

Our Values

Honesty about how bad it is.

We do not soften the picture. We do not suggest that next quarter will be different. The picture is the picture; the products reflect it.

Sustainability (of our discontent).

Burnout is a resource. Managed correctly, it can last an entire career. We have internal protocols to ensure no one runs out prematurely.

Accountability (for your own choices).

We are not accountable for your decision to read the poster. We are, however, accountable for printing it, and we stand by our work.

Innovation in the field of resignation.

Every quarter, we release new products that more accurately reflect the moment in which they are purchased. We consider this an ongoing research program.